


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,163 (Part II)

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [46]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-13 22:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7989049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The weekly satirical saga continues, as the old Jedi mind trick messes with people’s mojos.</p>
<p>www.ramblingsofacrazyoldhermit.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,163 (Part II)

TATOOINE - Day 1,163 (Part II):

"I hate you!" he screamed, and spat at me. 

Jeez, if I had a galactic credit for every time I heard that. "You know, when people usually say that to me they're lying on the ground with all their limbs missing. You should appreciate that."

"Screw you, Kenobi." Owen Lars was beside himself with anger. 

"I don't want to stay with that asshole!" Luke exclaimed. 

"Luke!" Snot nearly shot out of my nose as I held back the laughter, and pretended to scold him. 

"What?" Luke played dumb. 

"See! You've been using your Jedi mind tricks on him. He hates me because of you!" Owen said, sounding like he almost believed it himself. 

"Oh yes," I began, "that's why he hates you. It has nothing to do with you being a drunk, beating Beru, or treating the boy like crap."

"Well...you stole my family!"

"Really?!" I said in disbelief. "Do you have selective hearing, or are you just stupid?"

"Stupid!" Luke yelled.

"Believe me Owen, you are the last person on this sand filled toilet of a planet that I would ever want to trust with Luke's safety. The only reason why I'm doing this is because you know who Luke is, and you know what I am, and if you ever let anything happen to Luke I would take my saber and slice off your dick. Understood?"

Owen mumbled something in affirmation. 

"I should only be a few hours, so stay sober and stay on your farm. Got it?"

More mumbling. 

I knelt before Luke and took his face into my hands. "I will return for you."

"I know."

"If you should feel nervous or threatened while you are here, lock yourself in your old room. And feel free to use the Force to protect yourself."

"Wizard!" He jumped up and threw his arms around my neck. 

Saying a final goodbye, I walked away. Just as I was about to get into my landspeeder Owen called out to me, "Tell Beru that I still love her!"

I yelled back, "I have no contact with her! She left us both, remember?!" This was of course mostly true. I knew she was somewhere on Takodana, staying with her twin sister and about to give birth to our space love child, but for the safety of that child I didn't want to know any details. 

During my journey to meet Boba Fett in Mos Eisley, my thoughts centered on Beru. She left Tatooine forty-three days ago, and I've only heard from her once, and that was when she first arrived on Takodana. Did I make the right decision sending her away? Shouldn't I be there for the birth of our child? And what becomes of Luke when I have a child of my own? I dreaded the thought of having to hide them both from the Empire for the next twenty or so years, or even worse, would I end up being a deadbeat dad like Anakin?!

I found Boba Fett in the Cantina. Knowing that his mind had been controlled by the man who killed his father really put my own problems in perspective. Boba was supposed to bring me to where Kilgore was holding Chewie and Han prisoner. Now I was placed in the precarious position of trying to decide if Boba had gone rogue and was acting alone, or if he was still Kilgore's puppet and I was walking into a trap. It was impossible to sense which situation I was dealing with. 

As we rode out into the desert in my landspeeder, I turned to Boba Fett, "You and I have had some interesting experiences together since I came to Tatooine four years ago."

"Jeez Kenobi," even with his helmet on, he refused to look at me, "you're not going to get all emotional are you?"

"No," I chuckled. "But I wish I knew which Boba I was dealing with."

Now he removed his helmet and peered at me. "Don't you think I wish I knew?! I can't even remember if it was my own idea to help you, or if I’m mindlessly setting you up to be killed! Ever since I joined Kilgore I've lost myself. Then you tell me that he's really Mace Windu, and my own mind would allow me to kill him!"

"I'm sorry, Boba. I felt your confusion back on that rock formation. I know your inner struggle."

"Whatever you did that day, when you lit up and kicked his ass, that was the first time I felt free from his control. But it only lasted for a few moments."

"I lit up?" That was news to me. 

"Yeah, you radiated a blue light." Boba put his helmet back on. "Hey, can't you do that again? This way we can both know the truth about this trip."

"I wish I could, Boba. That was the first time I had ever done that, and it knocked me out for three days."

"Crap."

"Yeah...crap." I agreed. 

Boba led us down a narrow canyon, which eventually hit a dead end. At the impasse was a sandcrawler parked against the rock wall. There were no Jawas, no bounty hunters, no Kilgore, no nothing. Complete isolation.

"Stop," Boba instructed. 

"Is this where you're going to kill me?"

"I honestly wish I knew, Kenobi."

I got out of the landspeeder and faced what appeared to be an abandoned sandcrawler, while Boba remained in the passenger seat. 

"Your friends are in there," he said. "That much I know is true."

"Okay..."

"I'll stay here," he lowered his head towards his chest, "for your own protection."

"Thanks," I said, making my way to the crawler. 

By now it was dark outside and the narrowness of the canyon's walls hid the three moons, causing it to be darker still. It was totally plausible that there could be an army waiting above me, but for the moment I sensed nothing. Reaching out with the Force I was able to feel Chewie and Han's presence within a structure before me. 

I cautiously entered the sandcrawler, lighting my saber in order to see. It was abandoned, but not by choice, because I found a pile of rotting Jawa corpses off in the corner. By the decomposition of their bodies I could tell that they had all been killed some time ago. Moving further into the crawler I saw a hole that was carved out at the far end. It led me into a hollowed out portion of the canyon wall. Inside were two rows of several dozen cages.

The Wookiees had been held here. I could sense twenty, maybe even thirty, had recently been moved. Then I heard the whimper of a remaining Wookiee. 

"Chewie?!" I yelled. 

"Dude!" he called back. 

"Hey gramps?" Han Solo chimed in. "How about you get us the hell out of here?!"

Moving down the line of cages, I found my friends in the last two. Their weapons hung on the back wall. I sliced open the locks and tossed Han his blaster and Chewie his crossbow. 

"Are either of you injured?"

"Well, my feelings are hurt that it took you so long to find us," Han cracked wise. 

"Funny," I said. "Now let's get the hell out of here before it blows up, or something."

The three of us ran through the hollowed out room, through the sandcrawler, and out its side door. When I felt the sand beneath my feet I stopped running. I immediately noticed that Boba Fett and my landspeeder were gone. 

"Son of a bitch," I muttered to myself, and that's when Han and Chewie began firing at me.


End file.
